Still


I need to die tonight
the way the swan dies
and then it lies still
because I still…

I need to agonize
and gasp for air
for one last time
so I don’t forget

the search d’armes,
the deep ravines,
the solitude,
the forced quietud,

el frenesí,
the tenderness,
the world that broke,
cet désiré avenir.

And there’s a frozen lake
over which we danced.
Et il y avait un partenaire
avec qui j’ai dansé.

A steady hand to hold
through the fouettés,
giros, turns,
pirouettes.

But life is a solo
sin él.

So there’s a frozen lake
to put away the tristesse.
Il y a un lac gelé
pour ranger the despair.

Hay un lago congelado,
lila, púrpura, azulado
qui maintient la mémoire figée
y el amor intacto,
puro, honesto,
inmaculado.

So I can die away
as the solemn cello breaks,
as the intemporel home fades,
as all collapses again,
until the end.

And as I take
one last breath:

my final relief
from pain.

«Victoria», #fotografía por Crissanta.

Love in hate


Obscurity, nothingness.
Just you and me,
and, oh, you have command
over me,
over it all.

Did you know what you hurt?
Did I
when I also tried?

It was the center
of me, of it all,
what you ask to break,
but you only lacerate.

A little death,
a desired end.
To blow out the candle
and obliterate.

Who’s gonna carry out that threat?
If it wasn’t you,
it is me then.

It’s the darkest connection
I’ve ever felt.
The house in black,
the pain in red.

It was love in reverse,
in denial, in hate.