Dark


Of course I was mad
(I am)
contra mí,
nadie más.

Pero esa no es la palabra:
it was more like ‘dark‘.

(Yo no planeé
nada de esto).

I put a hoodie on,
black,
the headphones
a todo.

And I walked
al sonido de la determinación
en mi cabeza,

sintiendo que soy
ella,
a black-eyed
Helena,
a greedy
Sinatra,
a deadly
Magdalena,
y a la vez no.

I promise
I just feel
lucky,
and frágil,
affectionate
to the core.

Honestly,
I don’t know how to do this
if not with love.

(So, kill me, Sarah,
“it’s gonna be a glorious day”.)

Madly :)


No, I don’t like cars.
But now my bag is full of them.

And certainly
I don’t like the
‘ba-ba’… balón,
or to play futbol.

And no, my name is not ‘dadá’
or ‘dedé’,
or just a plain loud cry.

Nor do I like the perpetual chaos
and the mess.

Oh, boy, but how much I laugh these days.

: )

And how thrilled I am now
to see a helicopter
or a ‘cuac’,

la lavadora,
el coche
o el ‘guagua’.

And how scared I am
of your ‘cara de monstruo’
or your shark bites.

And how grateful I am
when you fall asleep
in my arms.

But more than that,
I am madly in love
with the perfect cabezota
that you have.

And I absolutely did love
the way you said today
‘ma-má’.

: )

Still


I need to die tonight
the way the swan dies
and then it lies still
because I still…

I need to agonize
and gasp for air
for one last time
so I don’t forget

the search d’armes,
the deep ravines,
the solitude,
the forced quietud,

el frenesí,
the tenderness,
the world that broke,
cet désiré avenir.

And there’s a frozen lake
over which we danced.
Et il y avait un partenaire
avec qui j’ai dansé.

A steady hand to hold
through the fouettés,
giros, turns,
pirouettes.

But life is a solo
sin él.

So there’s a frozen lake
to put away the tristesse.
Il y a un lac gelé
pour ranger the despair.

Hay un lago congelado,
lila, púrpura, azulado
qui maintient la mémoire figée
y el amor intacto,
puro, honesto,
inmaculado.

So I can die away
as the solemn cello breaks,
as the intemporel home fades,
as all collapses again,
until the end.

And as I take
one last breath:

my final relief
from pain.

«Victoria», #fotografía por Crissanta.